My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
My dick has a subreddit
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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