wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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