just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
