that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
