Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
is that a dick in a sweater?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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