So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
