Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
