I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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