I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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