so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
