My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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