Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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