My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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