he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
