Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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