If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
