look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
