I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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