I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
