his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
