My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
