We're facebook friends in real life
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
