that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
be right there i have to get my cape
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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