That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
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