you have to choose: penises or morals?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
