That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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