She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
