Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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