YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
