i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
