who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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