I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
