Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
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