my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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