ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
