I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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