Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
where are you?
Hypothermia
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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