you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
