Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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