Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
