Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Ketchup is God's man juice
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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