We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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