i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
