And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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