My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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