She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
