Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
