i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
