my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize