I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
