So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
