All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
