I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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