He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize