youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
