Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
