Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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