Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
