ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
