Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
