i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
