i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just cut my nipple shaving
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
