Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Nicole vs. Life
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Randomize