They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
