Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I did not marry a roomba.
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