Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
