those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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