You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
