Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
