i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
