If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
4 words: hood of his car
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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