I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I think people are normalizing furries
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize