are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
